The Horizon

The world won't give you a single inch. Nothing will fall into your lap. At least for the vast majority of us. You have to go out there digging and grinding to gain any leverage. Everything falls directly on you and your efforts. This is how my life has gone. Without dedication everything worthwhile is impossible. Everything I have done or gotten hasnt come easy. It's been a tough, long road thus far. I don't expect that to change. It's always a struggle, a test. But those trails only make us stronger and more ready for the future. I'd stay my entire life leading up to now has more than prepared me for what is on the horizon.

Life's Motivations

What in life really matters most to you? If you had to choose between all of the things you care about-what would your order of their importance look like? I feel as if most of society would say one thing for others to hear but actually believe something entirely different. I think most people really believe that money and power control everything. I however know without a doubt that this is untrue. What motivates people? What gives them the will to push on? What virtues would best suit the populace? Faith, hope, and love. These three things are the foundation of life. A happy life anyway. Realize that everything is possible through these virtues. That if you have these three in your life such thing as money and power become much less significant. When the three of these things are the driving force for you your life's problems will become easier to deal with. At least I believe so. Trust in God, in yourself and in others.

Calling All Christians

It's saddening when I realize what the world has become during days like today. The "rapture" was suppose to happening according to one Christian sect. However ridiculous that is in itself it's not that which upsets me. It's the fact that due to social media I am able to see clearly how few Christian's there are out there. How few people I am certain are actually saved; that have taken the Lord as their savior.

I see it like this though: that it's times like these that the Lord opens our eyes so that we see we need to further His word and His work. There is so much more we all could be doing as Christians. The message we all should be taking from this day is this: there is a lot of work to do out there. We may be saved as Christians, though, in being of the Lord's flock we need to strive to do works in his name. To spread the word to whomever will hear it. While doing so doesn't get you into heaven it should be something that we all do. Something we should be compelled to do. Sing from the rooftops and proclaim the Word of God as living truth. The world needs Christians now more than ever to step up to the plate.

My Judgement

Moral decisions. Each of us has them throughout life. They are the choices that shape our character. What to do and what not to do in certain situations. Sometimes the choices we make are not even dealing with a situation that has come up in our life. It's just a life decision. A road to take...to do something or not to do it. I am often shocked by what other people have chosen to do in their lives. I guess I might also be guilty of shocking others. Though, I think that the majority of my decision have been just and in my eyes morally correct. Sometimes I wish I could have done things differently but I do not regret them. That might seem like a contradiction. It's only because I got something out of that circumstance for the future. Though, writing that seems like a poor excuse for a previous bad decision. I don't know. I judge myself critically and unfortunately I find myself doing the same to others. Not always but sometimes. I need to work on letting the past go. I am big on that. I say it all the time and almost never hold a grudge. I forgive and forget quickly. But that's only when it comes to people directly dealing with me. So, I guess I need to adapt that with others and what I view as their bad decisions.

Fears Are Just Obstacles

My fears. I have a few. I try to be strong and am relatively that way. I am confident and usually portray the characteristics that go along with being so. Though, I do find myself worrying about certain things. First and foremost on my mind is my career. I need to get a job that I am happy with. A job that I can support and raise a family on. I feel as if nothing else really matters at this point in my life. I am ready to make the next step in the progression of my life but without this job I am stuck where I am. It's definitely a driving force within me and I am dedicated to the task but until it comes through it is a fear of mine. A fear in the sense it will not come soon enough. I feel as if there is more I should be doing to attain my goal so from this moment on I am and will be more active in attaining what I need.

My second and last real fear is losing what I have in my life due to the fact that I don't have a substantial career. They are directly correlated. At least I think they are and it makes sense to a certain extent. A career really is all that stands in the way my future. My life will be complete or at least set to be complete when the job comes through.

Fears. We all have them. Mine I guess are not real fears but obstacles that have to be overcome. That will be overcome. Not because of time or other people or because life will make them happen. But because of my resolve in getting what I want. My determination is getting what I deserve. My happiness is at stake and I am not willing to settle for anything less than what I want.

Calendar Date vs Quality Time

Time is relevant. Or maybe said better: time is not relevant, at least in the way most people view it. Let me explain. I have spent years with past girlfriends and developed what I considered loving relationships. From these past relationships I had come to believe that it was normal progression and maybe in a sense it was. Though, right now my past thinking has been blown out of the water. Let me further explain: in two months time I have completely and totally fallen in love unlike anything I have ever known. Two months may not seem like a long time but in those two months I have spent more time with this girl than I had in past relationships that spanned a year or more. Its because of the quality time we spend together at such a frequent rate that I have been able to develop feelings like this, that surpass lesser emotions. Of which took much longer to develop in the past, calendar wise. I hope that makes sense...reading it I'm not sure it does. Though, in my head it makes complete sense. By quality time I mean we have been able to open up to each other, understand each other, and bond over common future goals. I already feel as if I could finish some of her sentences. I love the fact that I know what she is thinking and what she is going to say even before the words leave her lips. At least some of the time. I am reminded more now than ever of that song "bless the broken road". Without our pasts there is no way we would have found each other. By that long road we somehow came together and formed this relationship that neither of us expected to find. It's just so 'fairy tale' it's hard to believe it can be real. Though, it most certainly is...I've never known anything as real as this. Or believed in true love more than I do now. It does it exist. I have met my other half.

True Love

I have written about love and all the feelings that go along with it. I have tried to articulate how in my life I have loved and been loved. Some of you people out there may think I am full of crap or that I'm just back in love but in reality I'm not entirely sure I ever grasped the true feeling and emotion that the word love is suppose to represent. That is...until now. Everything that I thought love was has been completely blown out of the water. Maybe though I have known love in the past. However, perhaps I wasn't letting myself open up to it's full potential or the ability/room for it to develop into what I now know love to be. It's enlightening to a major extent... I feel as if I was living life only half alive. That I was experiencing life half blind. I couldn't live or see what life was really about. I can't even really explain what it is that is different this time around. I just start rambling and in fact have written and rewritten sentences trying to explain my feelings only to delete them. I think though that's part the of this that makes it so much more real. True love honestly can not be put into words. It's an emotion that does beyond all the words in the dictionary. It's something that bonds two people closer together and goes beyond basic understanding. The best way I can describe it is this: It's a glimpse of how God loves us unconditionally. That love can not be put into words. It is a blessing from God himself that two people should be together; when they are able to love each other in a similar way to how He loves us. I believe that's true love.

Curve Balls

Life can throw you curve balls and in all likelihood it will. Dealing with those surprises though can be the tricky part. We all handle them differently. But that's not really what this post is about. A related thought and opening for the following: that being- opening yourself up to be extremely let down and/or hurt. This has been on my mind since talking to a close friend. It's the aspect of relationships that I guess scares most people. That being the unknown. The unknown factor. At any given time someone can just pick up and leave. Cancel you out of their life. It happens I've seen it happen and have witnessed the hurt it causes. It's probably the worst kind of break up. Because when someone just runs away you don't get closure in any sense. I wish I had been better able to talk with my friend and give him some comfort. However, all I could do was listen and offer little advice. It really is tough when you give someone your heart and they shatter it without any real reason. I think it's been on my mind so frequently because it does scare me. I know I am a great person for someone to have in their life so I shouldn't be worried about a situation such as this. Though, my friend is equally as great. I am confident in my relationship, extremely confident in fact though stories such as my friends make me nervous in some way.

The Man I Have Become

It's a strange feeling when you see a change in yourself. I don't think we actually are able to see changes within ourselves too often because it's usually a gradual type of thing. Sometimes though our resolve and character are tested during stressful and emotional situations. It was during one of these such times I noticed and realized I am not the person I had been in the past. I use to react without thinking and that lead to situations becoming more negative than they already were. I have a few things in my life that have led to this transformation. The first and most significant being my relationship with God and turning to prayer as a first resource. Prayer calms me and I am able to ask for guidance. The Lord has always blessed me with relief in some fashion. I am truly grateful. The second being my best friends, mainly Jonathan. I am so extremely lucky to have such a levelheaded, upstanding person in my life. Tonight I realize that as a man of the Christian faith my belief in upholding a strong moral and ethical character will not waver. I am proud of myself for the man I have become.

If The Glass Isn't Have Full Don't Drink It

The human mind is a terribly power thing. Once it gets going there is almost no shutting it down. This is especially so when something somehow sinks in there that plays with our feelings. The mind and our feelings are so extremely connected that one is almost never without the other. It's hard to not draw a emotional connection in some way to the things we think about. For the things we think about are usually things that are important to us.

What I find most people do is offer themselves "what if scenarios" that make the mind believe possible outcomes to situations that can be far-fetched or unrealistic. Though, these "what if scenarios" also do offer a lot to process. In normal situations they make a lot of sense and often lead us upon the correct course. I think that the negative side of the "what ifs" dwell in all of us. We think about them even when we shouldn't. We think about them because people as a whole are naturally pessimistic. We do this at all times in our lives depending on what I'd going on at any particular time.

So, my advice with this mental dilemma is this. Realize that you are thinking outlandishly, take ahold of the facts and avoid the pessimistic attitude. You do know what is probably the truth or reality of most situations and hold a firm grasp on them.

Good Friday

Lord I thank you and am forever indebted to you. You are my inspiration and salvation. You're sacrifice is the greatest gift of all. You are and will always be my rock and shelter. You paid the ultimate price for my sins because of you I will have eternal life. I am blessed beyond comprehension. Love you!

Be Dedicated

Dedication is a quality I have always had. It is more than just a word or action. It is a way of living your life. In order to attain the things you want, especially the things of meaning it takes an understanding of what you have to do to get them. Not many things of worth will fall directly into your lap. You have to put in the time and effort. Time and effort though don't fully describe dedication. It is more than that it is also something you have to feel. You have to be emotionally connected to the thing that you want in your life. Dedication means going out of your way, making sacrifices if need be, and putting great amounts of energy into your: decisions and actions. To be dedicated you have to be emotionally invested, action based, and realize it might take some time. If you are able to grasp and hold onto those things you will usually get whatever you are after. Be dedicated. Be sure. Be invested.

The Story Of Us

The Story Of Us

Part I: The Beginning:

This tale begins on the 14th of March during the year 2011. Whether it was destiny or fate or just coincidence; forces beyond the understanding of either party brought the two together at the same place at the same time. It is said that timing is everything. In this story of two people connecting beyond what either would have imagined timing is exactly that, everything.

This romantic account has a humble beginning which takes place at a time where both individuals are out for a night with close friends. Both are seeking the pleasure of which only the combination of drink, laughter and song can create in one’s soul. Now, let it be known that the two were both at different points in there life. One was traveling a road looking for that person to tie it all together and the other was on a much different course. What neither of them knew that evening was that the path drawn before them would lead them to walk side by side. Before I get ahead of myself let me recount the events that led them to their hand in hand journey.

That fateful night as I have already stated started with a similar goal: a night out just trying to get away from the pressures that surround us all. Let us call the boy in this story Rob and the girl Justine. Rob had always had a tendency of pushing the limits of his own embarrassment and this night was of no exception. He lacked pitch and tone along with any other redeeming quality related to singing. However, he thought to himself what better way to start up a conversation with a beautiful girl than to ask her to sing along with him. So, he let his confidence and striking good looks lead him toward the girl he would soon know as Justine. Now, while Justine thought he was nothing short of a fool her drink got the better of her and she accepted his invitation. She thought to herself “well at least he is dashing in that bandana”, well maybe that wasn’t her exact thought but for the sake of being brief we will leave it at that. They were then informed it was their time to perform in front of the best citizenry the town of Danbury had to offer. The two were joined by a couple of friends and began the ballad that would forever cross generations, an epic by the infamous Backstreet Boys. After the awe-inspiring demonstration it seemed as if Rob and Justine would part ways. For, Rob’s chauffer had arrived to take him away at once. Though, that was not meant to be. Justine had different plans. She had decided that one song was not nearly enough. She had actually plotted against the good intentions that Rob had set afoot. She took slight offense to the previously selected song. She wanted revenge! And, Justine gets what she wants. Justine’s master plan had already been set in place. They would again reunite with microphone in hand only to sing a song that which made fun of Rob. Though, Rob was naïve and didn’t catch the true meaning behind the invitation which had included a ride back to his friends dwelling.

So, the song was sung, the drinks were drunk, and the establishment was behind them. Again, it seemed if the two were to part ways. Now it was Rob, however, that had different plans. The ride back was filled with another kind of song, that from the highly gifted and talented Rihanna. Once they got to their destination Rob made sure that he would in the very least hug Justine good bye and thank her for the ride. As this gesture was finishing and he started to walk away he thought to himself, “damn she’s pretty I’ve got to at least try”. He turned around and asked for her number in hopes that she had at least had fun and that would be enough. It brought a smile to his face when she indeed gave him her number and the response, “leave me something nice to wake up to in the morning”. A little while later Rob did as she said. He sent her a message but couldn’t wait for a response until morning. That was not in his nature. Persistence is key. Rob decided that he had to talk to her that night. He gave her a call. Justine answered and they talked for a while. Justine somehow had it in her head that Rob liked her friend. This was not at all what Rob wanted her to think. He wanted to make it clear that he was into Justine. He told her exactly that.

Part II

Soon came the next day, very soon in fact because the two stayed up really late chatting away. Rob had to be up very early that morning. Upon waking up and arriving at work he was overtired and not all that happy to be there, though he knew the previous night and all it had entailed was well worth the sacrifice of sleep. Sometime during that morning he had an urge to send Justine another message saying good morning and offered to take her to dinner sometime. The next few hours went by fairly slowly for Rob. Along with trying to get through work Rob wasn’t positive that Justine would message him back. As the hours passed and he finished up his work day he felt the chance of Justine talking to him was getting slimmer and slimmer. Eventually, he got home and into bed to try and catch up on the sleep he had missed the night before. As he was finally falling asleep Justine messaging him back stating, “I’m starving”. Rob didn’t catch the not so subtle hint at first though he finally realized Justine may be taking him up on his offer for dinner. They talked briefly on the phone and came to the agreement Rob would drive all the way back down to the town of Danbury to take her to dinner. He read a little more into than he probably should have. He was under the impression that she had liked him even if it was a little bit. Justine however had a different understanding of the situation they were finding themselves in. Dinner. A girl’s got to eat.

So, exhausted Rob got out of bed and made the trip down to pick up Justine. They had decided to try out a new restaurant in the area that neither had been to before. As they sat down and ordered an appetizer Rob quickly realized that Justine loved to talk and talk and talk. This was a good thing though because Rob didn’t mind to listen. Especially, when he was sitting across from such a beautiful girl. As the night progressed they became less and less impressed with the service and actually didn’t end up having a real dinner at all. Though, most would probably see this as a bad thing. Rob was thinking that if they both had agreed it didn’t count as dinner, it was a great opportunity for a second date. By the nights end Rob was into Justine. She was pretty, outgoing, and funny. They left the restaurant and headed back to Justine’s place. They parted ways with a good night and a hug. Most importantly though, at least to Rob, were the plans that they had made to see each other again on the day of Saint Patrick.

For the next few days they talked a few times setting up their plans for the upcoming day. Rob could think of little else than of seeing her again… To be Continued

Stand Firm

Going off my last post...everyday you have the ability to turn your life in the direction of your goals. The ultimate goal, happiness. Happiness for all people means different things: such as reaching milestones, meeting someone special, or simply being able wake up with no regrets and a clear conscience. The important thing is going after what makes you happy. Forget what other people think, live your life the way you want to. And stand firm in your decisions. I think a lot of people bring themselves down by having regrets. Life is about making decisions for better or worse these decisions mold the people we are. You have to be content with yourself before you can ever achieve anything noteworthy or significant. Once you realize that - the sky is the limit. Meaning, that even if you wake up one day not happy with where you are you have the ability to change your future. But never regret the decisions that brought you to where you are. They are life lessons upon which to build a successful happy future. A certain quote comes to mind, " success does not entail in never making blunders but in never making the same one a second time.". We go through difficult times in order to grow and build up a cache of knowledge for the future in order that we know how to handle a certain situation in a more proper way. Life is a trail by error game. I believe you can find a lot of hope in this philosophy. Because it means that as we progress through life, life's trials should get easier. Then it's easier to unlock lifes treasures. It's also easier to know and go after what makes us happy. It all begins in standing firm in your aspirations and going after them without looking back.

Passion

Confidence vs. cockness vs. lack of either. Life is about attitude. The attitude you have about yourself and what you want to accomplish. Without the right attitude it is difficult to go after and attain the things you want in your life. This is the case for all aspects of life...careers, relationships and even material things I suppose. It takes an understanding of each of lifes situations to know how hard to pursue something. It takes passion to have a real understanding to know what you have to do to get the things you care about. If you have passion-the right amounts of confidence come naturally. If you lack passion then whatever you are trying to attain isn't going to be easy. Cause you will either come off as cocky or the opposite...it will seem like you lack interest. Passion is where all the good things in our lives stem from. Passion is where it all begins and where it ends. I say live your life for the things you truly care about. I think a lot of us lose sight of this simple philosophy. Go after the things in life that make you feel alive. The things in life you wake up thinking about and later the things you drift off to sleep with on your mind. Life's stresses have a way of making us lose sight of this, our passions. Fight to hold on to them...do not give up. Happiness is ours to find and the great thing is...if we can locate that passion inside us we know where to look for happiness. Passion is in us all. Open yourself up to it.

Common Decency

This is related to my last post because a similar issue is on my mind. That issue being: how people can be so completely rude and sometimes down right mean. I see it pretty much everyday. With people In public, the people I work with, even sometimes with the people I call friends. It's really concerning how often people can forget that others have feelings. Not only is it concerning but with so much of this behavior going on it's easy to lose faith in our fellow man. I mean why do people treat each other this way. I know with all certainty that I would not be counted among this population. I go out of my way to be there for people and support them in whatever way I can. Though, I am troubled because I see so few doing the same thing. So few people showing common decency. I don't even mean towards strangers (while that would be ideal), but towards the people they supposedly care about. How have we as a population drifted so far from seeing what is right? Is it that people are so self-centered that they can not see beyond themselves? I believe this is the case. The world does not revolve around you.

Necessary Changes

Making changes throughout our lives is constant and unending. With time comes change it's ineviatble. Some of us are better than others at adapting to this change. Change happens in all aspects of our lifestyles though I believe the hardest and most troubling is when we realize we need to cut people out of our lives. It's especially hard when the person or persons have been important to us at some point. Though, at the current time they are bringing us down in one or more ways. Even if they have hurt us in some way it is difficult to let go because we do have feelings for them. Whether they are romantic feelings or otherwise. For me at least when I realize that a friend or loved one needs to be cut from my life it isn't an easy process. I always think something with them will change and that person will no longer be a drain on my mental health. Though, that is almost never the case. It is me that needs to make the change...because the person is too dense to realize they are hurting me. The problem is even by me making the change to cut them from my life it is still me being hurt. In the end these are necessary changes.

Set Mind To Purpose

At the end of the day...much like this day I do realize what I want from my life and in my life. It isnt that I am unsure of something. If anything I am too sure. The thing is that I fail to live up to my own expectations fairly often. For one reason or another I settle on something that doesn't exactly fit my original plan. I mean this very generally... it is true for almost all aspects of my life. I could improve upon a great deal. I think about all of the ways I could improve upon the different areas of my life. The problem that I come to is the motivation, or the fact that change can be scary. And, usually one of those two end up holding me back. So, I need to really be more proactive about setting my mind towards what I want out of life. That way I can be 100 percent happy with what I have, and what I have in front of me. Though, mindset would only be half the battle... acting on that mindset is where real results are found.

A Way To Live

It is only now that I realize how much of my life I have thrown away on meaningless crap. Our lives are taken up by people that are willing to throw us away in a moments notice, if even that long. I am sick and tired of giving pieces of me away. Giving them away to people that don't care about me the way I care about them. I mean it is a lesson that we all usually have to learn. It sucks for me that I am learning it so late in life but I guess later is better than never. It is my fault though. I take full responsiblity. In my own head I have enabled myself. I've allowed it to happen. At least I have realized it now... I still have time to correct this mess i've put myself in. I guess I can't even call it a mess beacuse since I've realized it the mess kind of fixes itself. It is just a state of mind I have to continue to keep. A way of thinking when it comes to dealing with other people in my life. Keep a guard up. At least to a certain extent.

What Will Be, Will Be

Life never happens as I expect it to. One day is good the next is bad. It's like some strange test that I am being put through to see how strong or determined I am. Though, under enough stress and frustration unfortunitely even the strongest will eventually crumble. At current time my life seemed to be on an upswing. Everything started to fall into place. I heard back from the State Police and have a slight glimmer of hope for a job with them. And my significant other situation seemed to be improving at least I had convinced myself that our petty fights were over. However, I couldnt have been more wrong. Petty arguements turn into break ups. So, I guess it is for the best... only because neither of us would ever be truly happy if thats how we always dealt with our differences. I say that because we have talked about handling things differently but there has been no change on either side. Well, I am at one of those low points in life right now. I need to get my life together before I try any type of relationship. I dont want anything like a job or money getting in the way of what I want my relationship to be. What is to be will be.

Motivators

All around my life there are motivators. People are finding success with their careers while I am barely treading water. I really want and need more from my career. I have been scared of change in my career I think. The unknown is scary. But over the past week or so I have had a different approach. I need this, I want this more than ive ever wanted anything. I am going to make it happen. I am going to stay motivated until my dream becomes a reality. I am tired of excuses to myself, I am tired of holding myself back. No longer will I allow that past attitude to dictate what I do in the present. The present is mine to take grasp of so that I can influence my future positively. So, that I can reach my goals. I need to continue to always be proactive in my life. I cant sit back thinking something is going to come to me and change. Because, the fact of the matter is...it will not happen like that. I need to give every part of me to my goal. And, that is what I will do. It is my life and I will be the reason it is a sucessful one.

Freedom From Burden

This is going to sound weird, though it is what it is. I feel like I have gone through a change. I have been a different person over the past two months. I believe I actually may have faultered in my faith. Not completely or willingly, though to an extent I did. Maybe not even that but I have looked at the world differently. I knew I was going to change after Shaun passed. I just hadn't realized that I had until tonight. I talked to God a bit and before I knew it he had me thinking about things I haven't thought about because they are upsetting. Memories from my past that I bottle up and have tried to forget but now I realize that these such things need to be realized In my conscience mind. I need to stop looking at them the way I do. I need to be able to look at my past and see that I want a future without any of that present. In order to do that I have to always put my faith in God. I never hav stopped praying about my life. Though, I need to put more faith in my prayers. Cause the moment I cleared my heart to God I feel brand new. I feel like all that was holding me down before now propels me forward. It's a boost in the direction of what I want from life. Knowing that the Lord will always be there to refresh my heart I can find hope in any situation. I have screwed up a lot over my life, I'm not proud of things I've done. I realize I've hurt people by saying things from a jaded heart and clouded mind. I will never again be that person. My faith is strengthened through my personal trials. My resolve is solid. The Lord as my sheppard I will always be guided through his almighty grace. I believe that the book Acts in the bible is where the last of the Lord's miracles were written about or taken place. Though, he truly does work them everytime our sins are forgiven through his only Son. Our hearts are freed of the weight of sin and our souls are broken free from the chains that would otherwise hold them down. The Lord opened up my heart and mind and freed me from more than just my sin but of a past that sat heavily on my shoulders.