Can Unconditional Love Strike Twice?

I have known love twice in my life. The first was when I was young and immature, but definitely in love. I was 21 years old dating a girl who was 18. We had been together for two years and I would have done anything for her. She was quiet literally my entire world. Eventually and unfortunately that love started to fade. I felt that I was putting more into the relationship and she didn’t want to make a stronger effort; even though we talked about it several times. We didn’t break up however until I met a new girl. She went to the same school as I did and we hit it off from the start. The problem was that we were both in relationships. I wanted to be with her relatively quickly and realized I needed to break up with my first love. I did this thinking that she would also break up with her significant other for me. She did eventually but it took a little while longer than I expected. Anyhow, once we were together I realized that she was the perfect girl for me and I had never been so happy. She was slightly older than me and much more mature than my past love. Everything was going great. I moved in with her over the summer until school began and when it did I got a part-time job working with her. It really was straight out of a love story how everything fell in place for us. As the year went on I began taking on new responsibilities and life got a little crazy for awhile. Though, we ended up getting through it. At one point I took the train to New York City and looked at engagement rings at Tiffany’s. Soon after this graduation was nearing for me and I still had no idea what I truly wanted to do with my life. I was scared…I was overwhelmed… I panicked. I found any little reason to start a fight with her…I wanted out because to be honest I knew if I stayed with her we would get married. While that was something I definitely wanted…at the time it freaked me out because I was closing a chapter of my life I wasn’t sure I wanted to end. I wanted to still have freedom and friends and the college experience. It all hit me at once and I made the worst decision of my life. I broke up with her. I tried to grab onto the innocence of college life still and wanted to be a part of it all. I was 23 years old and started dating someone who was 18. I let go of love…I let go of who I was…I let go of everything that made me happy, to cling to that immature existence I so desperately wanted. I wish I could take it back… I was given the opportunity…twice. She was willing to forgive me…to take me back. But I still wasn’t ready, wasn’t ready to be a man or the person I should have been from the start. I failed. I once knew what it was like to be loved unconditionally…God willing lighting will strike twice.