Lack Of Holiday Spirit

This is usually my favorite time of the year. I love fall. I love the chilly air and the crisp cool nights. Looking forward to the holidays of Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year. For the past handful of years I have been genuinely happy during these few months. Though, this year I already feel a sense of depression. Not the kind of depression that won’t let you get out of bed in the morning. Just that feeling that seems to follow you around and slightly damper your mood. Sits on your shoulders and weights you down slowly. I am pretty sure I know what it is… in fact I believe it is a few different things that have unfortunately come together this fall/holiday season. To begin, my brother is like my best friend in the entire world. We have been through so much together probably more than average siblings. And while sometimes we don’t get along I love him more than anything. Though, this year he has decided that when he finishes school in December he is immediately moving to Florida. I know that we are growing up and all but it is just difficult and saddening to know he will be so far away. On the same level… with my parents split or whatever the whole family thing has seemed to disappear. I don’t know I am slightly afraid for the first time in my life I could wake up on Christmas and not have any family around. I guess that will depend on some other factors though. My family usually goes to New Hampshire for a family reunion for Christmas though the past few years it has been iffy whether or not we are going to continue this tradition. Right now I think that some of the family will be meeting there but with Christmas failing on a Friday I have to work on Christmas and the two days following it. So, unless people travel to New Hampshire Tuesday or Wednesday before Christmas I have a decent shot of possibly only seeing my mom or dad or even neither depending on circumstances. On top of all that drama / hell this will be my first Christmas season since I was 18 (so six years ago) to not have a girl in my life to spend time with or celebrate / give gifts to. I don’t know why that bothers me so much because hopefully it won’t be like this forever, but I usually really get into the holiday spirit and all. So, with all of these things combining I am actually feeling slightly down. I don’t know what I can do to proactively make it better for myself but hopefully in the end it somehow all works out.