Levels Of Relationships

I have noticed a lot lately that many guys including myself get attached to a relationship very quickly. Sometimes this can work out and we have lasting, fruitful relationships. However, a new avenue I am trying to take, is the road less traveled. Taking it slow. I have never been able to do this. I get to infatuated with the person I am with, and by doing this I neglect myself. I put aside all my goals and ambitions to make my significant other happy no matter the cost. I have done myself real damage in the past and even in my present life I can still feel and see the evidence of my carelessness.

Now, I am not saying that I will totally flip it around and only care about myself. Merely, that I need to exhibit some kind of caution and be more level headed. It takes a lot to make a relationship work and there needs to be a 50/50 (or as close to possible as that) effort from both parties. I have consumed past days, weeks, months, and many years on relationships that are no where near equal in effort. I can only blame myself. Hindsight really is accurate. I mean, that when you give, give, give... people start to expect, expect, expect. A lot of people forget that they need to do something also. I blame myself because I have always been the one to give without receiving much; I put myself too far out there and get taken for granted.

In order to try and prevent this problem I want to take it slow with people. By slow I mean taking steps toward advances in the way my emotions get involved with someone. I can't continue to wear my heart on my sleeve, because it keeps getting torn off. I am running out of shirts.

Time & Place

There is certain behavior that is only acceptable at certain times and places in our lives. It seems to me that the general public doesn't understand this concept. Some people forget about social and ethical norms. This really upsets me. Like, you are how old? Yet... you still do not understand how you should act in public or any other setting? Damn. Pay attention to what the rest of society does and mimic them if you need to, because it is embarrassing watching people like you act the way you do. This isn't directed to any one specific, just all of the people out there that make social situations of any kind weird or awkward for others.

Stop And Think

I think the most frustrating thing I have come across in my life is a person's unwillingness to change. Some people get set in their ways and refuse to acknowledge that they should change something about what they are doing. Whether, it be because there is a better way, an easier way, a quicker way, a more fair way, or a more just way. It also is often just because they are too stubborn. In fact, this person I once called a best friend has literally has never apologized for something. I have known him for about 16 or 17 years and not once have I heard him say sorry. He is convinced he is always right, that the way he does things is always the correct way. How is this type of thinking rational? Ridiculous, yes. Rational, no.

Realizing The Real Thing

Life has many mystery's. One of which for me has been realizing happiness. I am one of those people who is most content when they are in a relationship. When I have someone that I care about and can give myself to in a variety of ways I feel complete. What I haven't felt in a long time is the way I feel lately. I feel as if I am in a grateful relationship; perhaps that is the best word to use. I believe that if both people in a relationship are grateful for one another everything else falls into place. Some things that come from being grateful... respect, trust, joy, excitement, like and then sometimes love. I am realizing what it is like once again to be with someone who actually wants to be with me and is likewise grateful. My thoughts on my own happiness in the past two or so years have been clouded (at least when it comes to a significant other). My eyes are open now and I understand that the happiness I thought I had was only a version of the real thing which I think I have come to know now.

Live Without Regret

A week or two ago I had arrived at our cabin in upstate New York. It was probably around 9pm. We unpacked the car and got settled in pretty quickly. It was my first time up there this year. Each year, that first experience there is absolutely the best. I often forget how beautiful it is up there and all that it reminds me of. My summers were spent entirely in New York before I was a teenager. At that age I just did what I did having a blast, but you never really realize what you have until you are older and able to look back at your life. I am extremely lucky... I still have that place to go back to and make more memories. However, the point of this post is not looking back at our lives but in fact the opposite.

A lot of the time we live in retrospect. We live our lives and after the day is done, maybe weeks, months or even years later we realize what we could have done or should have done in situations. I think people need to stop and think and live in today. Live without regrets, don't question what has happened in your life. God has a plan for each of us... we are merely following his plan. Each mistake or wrong doing is a lesson. As is every correct decision, or choice. We learn from ourselves and others. Everything that we do was meant to happen for some reason or another. It is almost impossible to find somebody that doesn't regret a single thing about their life. I know I have screwed and made mistakes and done stupid things. But to be completely honest I would have it no other way. I would not change a single thing about my past life because it has made me the person I am today. A few examples:

I didn't do ANYTHING in high school and the result of that was having to go to community college. If I did better in high school I could have gone to a more respectable school and maybe had a different life. However, knowing the lessons I learned from screwing up like that are invaluable. I know for a fact I wouldn't have met some of the greatest people I have ever known. And to be honest I know that God had our paths cross because we were all meant to be together. As friends, as bothers, as FAMILY.

As for relationships I screwed up and did dumb things like everyone does. I have broke up with girlfriends and been broken up with. For each time we fought there was some reason. Maybe it was my fault or theirs. It doesn't matter I gained something from each situation. I learned how to deal with things such as pain, anguish, a broken heart, confusion, selfishness, frustration and a hundred others. My future relationships are all better off because of what I have lived through and witnessed.

Lessons in every spectrum of life are learned through doing, seeing, hearing, feeling. Live with no regrets.

One By One

This is for all you people who sit there and talk about other peoples business. Listen, don't you have your own lives to worry about? Isn't there something going on in your life that you should be tending to? I do not care if you talk about me because I put myself out there each and everyday. People know exactly what I am doing and how I am feeling... via this blog, twitter, facebook, or actually talking to me. If you are going to criticize me that is fine but make sure you do not have any skeletons in your closet, make sure that all of your problems are taken care of. You may be neglecting someone or even yourself. It is funny to me that some people have the time to snoop around other peoples business and talk about them but lack the confidence to talk about themselves. By talk about themselves I mean how they are truly feeling inside, what they want out of life and every emotion in between. I am a very confident person. I know that for every stupid, silly, immature thing I do... there are many more intelligent, mature, kind things. I can get kicked out of a baseball game, I can break up with a girlfriend, I can tell a friend how I feel, I can have a few too many drinks every once in a blue moon, I can accomplish ANYTHING I put my mind to. Do any of these things make me a bad person? Absolutely not! Do any of these things or hundreds of others make people bad people? Absolutely not! Bad people in my opinion come from bad qualities such as morals, ethics, failure of responsibility and sinning without remorse. If I ever sink to a level inappropriate in any of these... surely talk about me but at least do the decency of telling me or any person what they are doing is wrong. It is clear though, at least right now, that I am in complete control of myself and who I am. I am happy with this person and will not be intimidated into change. I will fulfill each of my goals. Goals are to be attained. Then you set your sights higher and higher as you go. You take what you can get and build upon each opportunity. Everything you want in life will not be handed to you on a silver platter. You have to work for it. Inch by inch. I am taking those inches and adding them up... one by one.

Back To How It Was

So, I went back to the beginning of my blog and started reading some of my previous entries. I realized that my blog has shifted from being "how I call things" to what is going on in my life. I like it more the first of the two ways. So, I am going to try and switch back to commenting on the world, the people in it, and experiences that we all go through. I miss taking the same to sit in front of my computer and contemplate what is going on and how I feel about it. There are many things that need to be discussed that many people will not touch because they lack the emotional confidence to say what is on their mind and heart. With that being said... I will post something right now.