Consistently Happy?

I need to find happiness again. While I have had good days and bad days, I haven't had consistency with happiness in a very long time. I would say it has been about two years since I woke up happy and went to bed happy, day in and day out. Everything has been stacking up on top of me. It honestly is getting overwhelming. If you know me you probably know of some of the things I am going through. Though, that is not where I want this post to go. The point of this post is suppose to be... realizing what makes you happy and going for it... So, with that being said, what has made me happy in the past has been being in a relationship I care about. For the past two years I have been in and out of relationships nothing that has ever really developed into anything more than dating. Maybe, because I wasn't ready or other reasons I really don't know. However, whatever my approach to relationships has been for the past few years I am throwing out the window. I need to try something new for my sake. I can not keep traveling down the same dead ends. I need to pursue situations that actually have a shot at making sense. I have been doing one of two things...trying to make something work, that simply won't or dating someone just because I hope that I will close a gap in my life. Both of these are horrible for me and both end up badly. I need to grow up in this aspect of my life...I am going to work on it...no more foolishness.

Facts Are Facts

For the last couple months I have been trying to fool myself with a lot of different things. I think that this type of behavior happens a lot. The more I think about my actions and past decisions, the more I believe that I have been tricking myself. I have been pursuing paths that probably do not make much sense in the sceme of my life. It is because of this false hope I have been giving myself, that I am in the state I am now. That state being, uncertain. I need to start realizing that things are the way they are and some things can not be changed no matter how much I believe they can. Facts are facts. Even as I write this, however, I find myself doubting I will change my train of thought. Hope is still something that is nearly impossible to turn your back on. As much as I would like to move onto different avenues in my life that hope still sits in the back of my head. I mean this in a bunch of different situations... jobs, family, relationships, friends, etc. But, I guess realizing that the facts of our lives are indeed truths is the first step in understanding change needs to be made from the current state of mind.

Happy Birthday

Today I turned 25. Within a matter of minutes I realized who my true friends were, at least by my standards. I would post what I felt they were but honestly if you don't already know then forget it. Times like now make me feel like I need to get away more than ever. I don't know...

Taking Advantage

As I approach 25 years old, I realize that life has given me many opportunites. I have taken advantage of a lot of them but also have failed on realizing some. My goal for the next 25 years is to take advantage of everything the Lord puts in front of me. I do not want to miss out on anything that life has to offer. Each experience is unique in its own way. I look forward to what these coming years have to offer. I am also very thankful for all that I have seen and done so far. I can only hope that the Lord continues to bless my life as he most certainly has thus far.

It Is What It Is

Today I realized I have been holding onto what I will call the "glory days". The fact is though that times have changed and people have changed (including myself). I am not sure what the exact combination is but a lot of the things I use to find appealing I now find appalling. Or at the very least I am uninterested. So, maybe I don't see them as the "glory days" now...I think that each chapter of our life has a time we can refer to such as this. I think I am at that time in my life where I want to start to calm down and settle in. Now, I don't mean get married and have a family. More along the lines of make mature decisions and make some major life choices. Though, maybe it is time to stop screwing around and go back to taking relationships seriously and if someone comes along to see where it takes me. I have had the mentality of being single, though I am starting to believe I am most happy when I am with someone I care about. Someone to talk to and spend time with, other than my friends. I think it is that unique bond between myself and her which makes me the most content with life. The trick...finding someone. I don't know my life doesn't make much sense to me sometimes but keeping the faith is what I will do. It is what it is.

I do realize that this post is all over the place haha