He In Whom I Trust

Until recently, I have been very confused about the meaning of my life. I have made many minor mistakes and some major mistakes in my life. I also have made many good decisions and a few great decisions. All of it though, can not be changed. My life is what it is today because of those decisions and mistakes. That quote, "You made your bed, now you have to lay in it", has crossed my mind many times in the past few days. The events in my life are my doing. It is because of my own actions I am living the life I am.

Now, saying this conflicts with two thoughts I have...freewill and fate (or God's plan). I know that they are inter-twined and one can not be without the other. Which, makes this topic probably one of the hardest things to discuss or write about. But, what I do know is that because of the decisions I/God have made for me I am "laying in the bed we made". Knowing that this is part of my plan makes each decision the "right" one. It is hard for me to believe there is truly a wrong choice. Yes, in many peoples eyes there are clear definitions of right and wrong, when it comes to life choices. I have always followed my heart. What I believe is right for me, must in fact be right for me.

For the past few days I began to believe my life was in some sort of struggle. That I was fighting an uphill battle that I could not win. I couldn't catch a break. Then, the other night I prayed while I walked around outside at work. I asked for God's guidence for his help in straightening my life out. To give me some chance to do what I wanted to do with my life. As, I was doing this I came to the realization that though my life seemed to be all over the place...it in fact was in order. Organized chaos...a lot of things happening at once, all in God's time frame that when brought together and thought about made sense.

Now, people may say I am a lunatic for thinking like this and that in fact I just need to keep on the path I was traveling to reach the goal I had set for myself. I would agree with them, though there are so many signs telling me to take a different route. To turn away from the path that seemed so right, sometimes takes a little faith. Luckily, this is the one thing I have plenty of.

This being said, I decided that I do in fact want to pursue some type of military career. I talked with a recruiter today and asked a bunch of questions about the road I want to travel. I would very much like to enlist in the US Air Force. I want to become an officer and serve this country, its people and God. Now, it isn't the easiest process to become an officer in any branch but this is my goal. I believe that I could do the most good from a position such as this. I am going to test for other branches of the military also and see which most I feel I belong. If the AF doesn't work out hopefully I will have other options.

I truly hope that all of my friends and family will support me in this decision. I will need it. There are a lot of very special people in my life that I know for certian I will miss a great deal. But, this is the path I really want to follow and see where it leads me.

"My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust" Psalms