A Lot Can Happen In a Month

A lot has been happening in my life over the past month or so.  First, my computer had broken so that is why I haven’t updated in awhile.  I recently purchased a new laptop it is pretty awesome.  I am very happy with it so far.  Anyhow, the events of this month and the results of each event have been very significant.  A couple weeks ago I came down with H1N1 and somehow got a bad secondary infection both of which almost killed me.  I wasn’t able to leave my room for over ten days.  It really was the most sick I had ever been.  It took two doctor offices, a emergency room and a dentist to finally understand fully how to get me back to health.  I’d like to point out that I do not have health insurance.  Needless to say then is that getting sick cost me well over $1000 in doctor bills and medicine alone, not to forget to mention the two weeks pay I missed at work.  America and its health insurance system is probably the most bogus ass backwards, legal robbery system that I can think of.  $250 to walk into a doctor office? Are you kidding me?  Like I totally understand doctors wanting to make money after all they went through to get that title but wouldn’t it make a little more sense to drop your prices for those without insurance at least to something more reasonable?  You can still collect tons from insurance companies.  I don’t know.  Whatever… in a word that experience sucked. 

Then, Matt finally ended up leaving to Florida.  He drove to Virginia put himself and his truck on a train and arrived in Florida safely. While I am proud of him for getting out of this town and starting his life off, it sucks knowing he is so far away.  Even while he was at college if we wanted to get together it was only a three hour drive but now its a little more intense.  I just have a feeling I am going to miss my best friend more and more as time goes on.  Just going to have to deal with that in my own way I guess.  All the guys and myself did pitch in for an xbox as a going away present.  That way we can all play games together online and still talk a lot.  So, that will be good. 

Next, I decided that I wasn’t happy how I was living my life.  For the past few years I have forgotten about me.  I haven’t done much that made me happy.  I have been busy trying to please other people.  I had thought that if the people around me were happy because of things I would do I, in return would be happy.  I was wrong.  Looking back over the past 1-2 years I lost what made me so strong.  I lost the defining qualities that made me who I was back in college.  I lost the person that I was happy with, the person that I saw looking back at me in the mirror and was proud to see.  Realizing these things was a lot harder than it seems but now that I have.  My temperament and demeanor have changed.  My outlook on life and what I want out of it has changed.  I wouldn’t say that I have the exact take on life as I did a few years ago.  But based on that outlook I can see a lot more clearly.  That outlook is… watch out for ME, live each day for ME (and God), do what makes ME happy, and then everyone else.  I honestly do not care if that sounds selfish because I realized that is how 99% of people are anyhow.  If you look at yourself and your actions you are most certainly the exact same way.  You can say no Rob you are wrong I am in that 1% but i find that highly doubtful.  You see the things you do how you want to see them.  But to someone like me who is somewhat jaded I can find the meaning behind what your actual intent had been. 

Then came Christmas.  Probably the weirdest Christmas I have had to date.  Matt was in Florida, parents are split.  Yeah definitely weird.  So, my dad and I still ended up going to New Hampshire to meet up with some of his extended family.  In the past, Christmas in New Hampshire with them was the high light of each year.  Unfortunately the Christmas scene has changed there.  Some of the family isn’t really able to make it out anymore; having growing families of there own and a bunch of little kids now making it difficult to travel.  So, I totally understand.  However, it just kind of sucks to see this change go on.  Usually, I am good with change but not with this.  I love these people more than anything and in the past few years sometimes we will only see each other once a year.  It is a total bummer.  Anyhow, so only three families were able to make it out for Christmas.  Though, almost everyone did show up for a day the day I had to leave for work.  At least I got to see everyone for an hour or two before I had to leave.  The shitty part though is that this was probably the one time this year I will see everyone.  I mean it is what it is… I hope we are able to find a way to make this situation better.  I pray. 

So, this month has been filled with ups and downs… mostly downs.  But it also has been enlightening.  A lot can happen in a month and it sure has.  Hopefully, the bad stuff is behind me and this new year has more to offer than 2009 which kind of blew.