A Way To Live

It is only now that I realize how much of my life I have thrown away on meaningless crap. Our lives are taken up by people that are willing to throw us away in a moments notice, if even that long. I am sick and tired of giving pieces of me away. Giving them away to people that don't care about me the way I care about them. I mean it is a lesson that we all usually have to learn. It sucks for me that I am learning it so late in life but I guess later is better than never. It is my fault though. I take full responsiblity. In my own head I have enabled myself. I've allowed it to happen. At least I have realized it now... I still have time to correct this mess i've put myself in. I guess I can't even call it a mess beacuse since I've realized it the mess kind of fixes itself. It is just a state of mind I have to continue to keep. A way of thinking when it comes to dealing with other people in my life. Keep a guard up. At least to a certain extent.

What Will Be, Will Be

Life never happens as I expect it to. One day is good the next is bad. It's like some strange test that I am being put through to see how strong or determined I am. Though, under enough stress and frustration unfortunitely even the strongest will eventually crumble. At current time my life seemed to be on an upswing. Everything started to fall into place. I heard back from the State Police and have a slight glimmer of hope for a job with them. And my significant other situation seemed to be improving at least I had convinced myself that our petty fights were over. However, I couldnt have been more wrong. Petty arguements turn into break ups. So, I guess it is for the best... only because neither of us would ever be truly happy if thats how we always dealt with our differences. I say that because we have talked about handling things differently but there has been no change on either side. Well, I am at one of those low points in life right now. I need to get my life together before I try any type of relationship. I dont want anything like a job or money getting in the way of what I want my relationship to be. What is to be will be.

Motivators

All around my life there are motivators. People are finding success with their careers while I am barely treading water. I really want and need more from my career. I have been scared of change in my career I think. The unknown is scary. But over the past week or so I have had a different approach. I need this, I want this more than ive ever wanted anything. I am going to make it happen. I am going to stay motivated until my dream becomes a reality. I am tired of excuses to myself, I am tired of holding myself back. No longer will I allow that past attitude to dictate what I do in the present. The present is mine to take grasp of so that I can influence my future positively. So, that I can reach my goals. I need to continue to always be proactive in my life. I cant sit back thinking something is going to come to me and change. Because, the fact of the matter is...it will not happen like that. I need to give every part of me to my goal. And, that is what I will do. It is my life and I will be the reason it is a sucessful one.