I Worry

I worry that I will never be good enough. I worry that I will not be the person you want me to be. I worry that whatever I accomplish in my life it might not be enough. I worry. My life hasn't been anything near perfect. I didn't exactly lead the Christian lifestyle until a handful of years ago. A lot of soul searching and finding myself had to take place before I was able to see where my life needed changes. That past that I left behind is gone. You can say that it helped me become the person I am today, however the person I am today is a 180 degree flip. I made mistakes and I know I am judged by some for those mistakes. I judged myself for the longest time after realizing my errors. I still have periods of time when I look back and feel like I let God down. I don't think I would have any peace with my past but fortunitely the Lord entered my life. If he is able to forgive me for my past faults, then I need to be able to do the same. I only pray others can as well. However, I worry that I will struggle with my past because it is still comes up as part of the present and I hope it won't play a detrimental role in my future.

Full Days

Life is lived one day at a time. My brother Shaun taught me that. We can't fast forward or rewind, we can't change the past or tell the future. Living our lives for the day at hand is all we have. We decide how we are going to spend that day and it is up to each of us to make it count. Determining what is worthwhile is also up to each individual. Only in time are we able to see with hindsight whether or not our past time was used well. Some of us have more days to look back on than others. Though, I've come to realize that a persons life isn't determined by the number of days lived but how we use those days. I am unlike my buddy Shaun in the regard that I truly believe he spent each of his days enjoying life. I think a lot of us are guilty of getting caught up in the routineness of life, stringing days and weeks together. He had it down though. He enjoyed the simplicity of what made him happy. The little things: spending time with his girlfriend and loved ones, playing all types of games, and in anyway he could retain his spirit of youth; such as dancing. At the end of my days when I am looking back over my past life I want to be able to know I have lived my days just as Shaun had. To the fullest. Here's to you brother, here's to living full days, full of love for all that we should enjoy.

Christian Choices

We are faced with many challenges throughout our lives. How we deal with and approach these challenges determine our character. Our character thus being defined by our actions. These actions are choices or a series of choices that we have to make. Choices are decisions we make based on our personal morals, ethics, principles, and understanding. More or less our preceptiom of the world and how we see ourselves in the world. Our character though is something a person really can't define for themselves. A persons character is how others see or perceive us. Though, we control this view through the previously mentioned morals, ethics, and principles. Each of us is given challenges to build up are character...or even break down our character. But ultimately this is under our control. It is up to each of us to make choices that are right, that are just, that are fair and equal. Use your lifes challenges to set a good example, to show the world the way of a good and decent man. The Christian way.

More Than Content

It's awesome how the Lord answers our prayers and guides our lives. I will probably never understand his time table but I do know I am truly blessed and greatful for what I do have. I pray everyday hoping the Lord thinks it's time to make my dreams come true. Well to be honest I've have had two dreams. To become a police officer which is still "pending". Though, he has made the more important and meaningful prayer come true. He has brought someone into my life I believe I can/will spend the rest of my life with. He has given me someone that I have fallen in love with. I couldn't be happier than I am now with my girlfriend Nicole. So, if the dream of being a police officer hasn't materialized yet...I am still more than content with life.

My Faith Is In Him

I was recently talking to someone about an aspect of faith. This being about our faith in God during good times and bad. How we often are stongest in our faith and relationship with God when times are good. However, when times are bad or difficult we tend to have questions/prayers that go unanswered. And, in doing so are faith is weakened or tested. Now, I see two ways of looking at this. The first being that we are given these hard times to strengthen our relationship with God. If we are able to 'hang in there' and hand over our lives to God's will are faith is ultamately more secure. The trouble is doing this. We for some reason expect times to always be good. It is a flaw as humans and sinners that we should try to overcome. Though, totally not the easiest of tasks. This is directly correlated to the second way of looking at it... that is we are manipulated by evil, the devil. He wants our faith to be tested. He wants us to turn our backs on God. To do this he has to play some part of a possible demise. These might be the tests that we have to overcome. They are not tests from God but tricks from the devil to try and make it seem as if God were testing our strength in faith with Him. I hope that makes sense. In my head it does anyway. I believe I am able to understand this because of continual prayer about keeping my faith strong. I will not be deceived by any sort hard time (devil's trick) to waver in my faith. I pray for continual strength from God to over come any such deception. Just as the poem "footprints in the sand" points out God will carry us through our hardest and most trying times of life. My faith is in Him!

A Victory Over The Grave

I stand and proclaim that you Lord our my savior! I never will be ashamed of you or your word. You give me strength in all aspects of my life. I ask that you continue to lead me in my life. When I faulter you are there to pick me up. You have saved not only my soul but my flesh and blood life. My debt has been repayed thanks to your unfathomable love. I will let all the world know Jesus saves. I am your servent Lord. I will do your work as best I can. The path you have taken me down has taken away any doubt of the life I am suppose to lead and want to live. Your victory over death has set me free and I am forever greatful.

In The Name Of God

Knowing what you are suppose to do with your life is a blessing. Though, getting to that point in your life where you can actually do it is the hard part, at least for me. I want to help people. I want to make this world a better place in a lot of ways. I believe that what I am suppose to be is a police officer. However, lately I am starting to have doubts. All avenues seen to lead to dead ends. I'm not sure if this is Gods way of telling me to pursue a different path or if he is just testing my charcter and determination. Either way though, I hope the Lord gives me some kind of sign so that I can start doing his work the best can, from a position that I feel would benefit the most people. I know I could do a lot more from where I stand now and maybe that is what I am doing wrong. Maybe if I start putting myself out there he will lead me to where I am suppose to be. I do know what I am suppose to do which is a start. Be devoted Christian in a world that continues to turn it's back on just causes, be a witness to the everlasting love of Christ, be a moral- ethical man in a society that capitalizes off the opposite, be a strong, integrity driven individual. I know what I am suppose to be. Ex cept for the flaw that I am human and do make mistakes I am exactly what I am suppose to be. I just want to have a career where I can do all of those things while making a difference in the name of God.